Last week, I had a breakdown. I experienced the worst back pain and headache I have had in years. My body revolted against me in agony and taught me a lesson. This is what I learned from this:
I am Human.
As a human, I require rest, both mentally and physically. When I come home from my day job, I move right into my main job of being a mother and taking care of my kids and household. Unfortunately, there are days I feel like I am not giving my kids my best. Instead, they receive what is left of me and I have a problem with that. I am frequently exhausted and so burned out, it depresses me. This has lead me to:
Get My Priorities Straight.
I don’t know about you, but quality of life for me is not constantly being so busy you can barely breath. My children are my top priority. Period. Telling them that is not good enough, I have to show my children they are important by giving them my time and attention. Secondly, my health is important to me, but I have not giving this priority standing in my life like I want to. It’s no wonder I had two days of pain, but now I understand that:
Breakdowns can be a Blessing.
The first day of my body’s mutiny, I was conversing with a friend about our dreams and goals for life. She and I touch base a few times during the week to encourage each other. She told me to have the breakdown and to let it come so I could rebuild. She told me to find the blessing in this and realize that my breakthrough was on the way. When you are in the midst of your mess, you don’t always see the blessing. She reminded me that I needed to rest, focus and realign. Now, I know I have to:
Focus and Wait for the Harvest.
Another friend called me this weekend to see how I was doing and mentioned what a challenge it is to wait. Waiting is not easy. It can be downright hard, but while we wait, we can choose how we act. One way of looking at waiting is like this: I planted a bunch of heirloom tomatoes last year and I checked them every day for signs of fruit. It took months before the plants flowered and another few months before fruit appeared. What I did not see was all the growth going on in the dirt. In order to hold up this huge plant and eventually support the fruit, the root system had to be established first. My harvest would not have been plentiful if I did not wait. Not even MiracleGro could make the plants produce fruit faster. I simply had to wait and while I was waiting, I grew more and more excited about the anticipation of fruit. Isn’t this a lot like life?
No matter how much we want something to happen faster, it will happen in its own time and in the meantime, we can choose to have a good disposition while waiting for our breakthrough.
Question for you: What have you found yourself waiting for that was worth it and would you change anything about the process?
Love this … just talked with a friend about the holding pattern i am living in right now … a constant wait of the other shoe to drop. Instead of sitting and waiting for what will be the inevitable, i need to move forward, grow those roots and wait …
The waiting is the hardest part, but we have to live during the waiting. I am constantly reminding myself of this. It helps me move forward.
I couldn’t have said this better myself!
Thank you, my friend.
The power of death and rebirth plays out in our bodies and spirits over and over throughout our lives. We have to allow it. It’s the only way to truly thrive. Just like Spring after Winter.
Chrysula, you put what I was trying to say in such beautiful words. I can not tell you how much better I feel after allowing things to just happen so I could move forward.
I love your correlation between life and harvest. We have all been there. I admire your courage to write about it and share your heart.
Thank you, LaShaun. I almost did not write about it because it is not easy admitting when you need a break.
Chrysula said it best, and I second that. I hope you get everything sorted out and in order. I know the feeling. I’m there now myself. Trying to get it together to give my best over here.
Seems this post touched quite a few of my friends who are experiencing a breakdown or two. It is definitely the cycle Chrysula mentioned. And, I am getting things sorted out. Thank God!
Love this post - breakdown, then break through; wait for the harvest.
If we do not make time for ourselves to be still (mind and body), the body or mind, or both, will eventually force us to stop our headlong race and find the stillness.
Sometimes we must tear down in order to rebuild, to adapted to our ever-changing life/world. Change can be painful, but it often leads to something stronger, more focused, more resilient.
Lollie, you are right. It is the tearing down that can be a pain, but I find rebuilding is also not as easy as people think. I am grateful to say that the changes I have gone through have been for the better. Painful at the time, but better in the end.
Hot damn, I am digging this post. I was under so much pressure last month that I felt like I was having a stroke one day. My family honestly almost took me to the ER. My body just stopped. Tried to rip itself down the middle, starting with my brain. It was crazy, Lucrecer.
So I’m trying. I’m trying to listen and take the steps you just laid out for us. Shoot, it’s hard.
Oh, Megan! You better take care of yourself, darn it! It is hard, I am not going to lie, but I remember my children and I make myself do it for them if I can not do it for myself. We do matter and we matter to them, a lot.