For years, I have had a love-hate-love-love-hate-love relationship with my hair. Currently, my hair and I are in a love phase. For the past three or so months, I have been sporting a full blown curly afro. Five or so years ago, I would have never worn this style. But, I have found since I have embraced every aspect of my natural hair texture and I wear it proudly, I receive more attention for simply being me.

I used put so much product in my hair trying to tame the curls, make them wavy instead of the corkscrew curls that they are and dye it every color under the sun from honey blond to reddish-brown. I got sick of all the work I had to put into achieving hair I did not even like. Earlier this year, I cut a vast majority of my hair off. I cut off all the damage, the horribly bad hair color and started fresh.

I started wearing two-strand twists, twist outs, braids, afros and all kinds of protective styles. Then, I noticed some of the young ladies in my church wearing their natural hair. One came up to me and said I had inspired her to embrace her hair. It was not my intention to do so, but I realized I had the privilege to be a example for her and others who were in a battle with their hair.

Women are so defined by their hair. Especially African-American women. After having been told for years that our kinky and curly hair is ugly, it is no wonder our children have not had positive examples of loving their hair. I wore perms for years and stopped perming over 12 years ago. My girls have watched me fight my hair and finally love it. In fact, we have this on-going joke to see how big I can get my fro each morning. Some days, it is insanely huge and I love it. Finally, I love it.

I am not defined by my hair, but it has become a signature part of my style, and I love that. Now, I can focus on what is really important, like growing inside and being the best person I can, rather than putting so much attention into something external that will eventually fade one day.